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The other day a friend handed me three pamphlets on Technocracy. After reading them carefully I confess I do not understand Technocracy; which gives me the right to oppose, criticize and denounce it. From this reading my conception of what Technocracy is can best be described in words common to communist writers. It is: A Historic, Gigantic, Super-Colossal System of Communist Bookkeeping. The word ''historic" does not properly belong, but communists use that word not to denote merely a record of past events, but also as something having force to influence events to come; and as a mouth-filler to lend importance to what they write.

Now let the Technocrat state it:

"Technocracy states that the basic metrical relationships which are involved In the next most probable state of society oh this Continent are the factors of energy conversion or efficiency and the rate of conversion of available energy of the mechanism as a functional whole in a given area per time unit."

Very interesting introduction. Sounds good, whatever it is. Maybe we'll find out.

"Technocracy points out that this Continent has the natural resources, the physical equipment, and the trained and efficient personnel to produce an abundance."

Anyhow we give the Technocrats a lot to start with.

"Technocracy states that the distribution of abundance can only be accomplished by means of a methodology of Continental accounting, based oft energy conversion, that will assure the continual and perpetual recording of the ratio between production, distribution, and. consumption so as to maintain a balanced load on all equipment."

That, too, has me stumped, but it looks like a sizable job, what with superman Nietsche dead and comrade Stalin busy elsewhere.

"Under the Technate the governing body would be responsible, not only for the design, erection, operation, and maintenance of the physical equipment but, for the operation and maintenance of each and every citizen."

If the Technate and its governing body don't cheat I would say my worries would be over. But I am a little hesitant about "the operation and maintenance of each and every Citizen." Not being a machine I don't like to have anybody operate me.

"The rate of extraneous energy consumption on this Continental area has reached an order of magnitude which results in a plethora of goods and service beyond the manageable limits of our present control technique."

That last sentence will puzzle the millions who are on the dole but I suspect the Technocrats have been putting ideas into the heads of the people of California. For their "energy consumption" they propose to have a plethora of ham and eggs. California, here I come!

"One technical problem has been solved, but man, not realizing that he is faced with another technical problem, has turned to philosophic speculation to solve the distribution conundrum."

Technocrats thus assure us that the problem of production has been solved, but not what they assume is the problem of distribution. I am reminded of a boy and his catch of fish. As he grows up he will improve his methods of catching fish; so the problem of improved production is continuous. But the latter end of production, distribution, gives him no trouble. He may swap his catch, or eat it, or sell it, or give it away. So long as distribution is left to the boy everything works smoothly. If a so-called owner of the stream, or its approaches, takes part of the boy's catch as rent, or the government takes part as taxes, robbery takes the place of equity; no one knows it better than the boy. If fishing is better because the government has re-stocked the stream, or if the sheriff has made it safer for the boy by driving off the tramps, the boy will know how much is due for services rendered at the site he uses, and will pay without protest. And if he borrows tackle from his friend be will know, or soon find out, how much of his catch is due his friend for the loan of the tackle.

As a substitute for the natural economic laws of distribution, Technocracy provides.

"A technique of mensuration, a physical accounting system on a continental order of magnitude" and a "self-contained technologically controlled social mechanism."

My poor boy. That's how Technocracy will divide up your catch.

"When a Continental social mechanism is designed as an operational totality, then and then only, will the results of the whole exceed the sum of its parts."

I bet that's how Ford got rich -- practicing Technocracy in his vast production empire; for every ten autos he made he sold eleven. It may be suspected that this Technocratic miracle of the "whole exceeding the sum of its parts" was snitched from one of Rube Goldberg's Inventions, but 1 doubt it. I think it is no mere coincidence" that Technocracy bloomed at the end of the Prohibition era. We all know it to be a fact that for every two cases of Scotch that came off the boat three cases of Scotch were sold.

''Measurement by energy cost: The scientists who pointed this out simply proposed to measure the total amount of energy used by the Continent in a given period; measure the energy cost of physical production and services; and use these measurements as the basis for the regulation of all Continental production and distribution."

I am stumped again, though I hate to admit it; it seems so simple. What will happen to those who, like myself, can't understand Technocracy or to those who refuse to accept it. Here is Technocracy's answer:

"They will have to accent it or remove themselves from its sphere. Let us add that it is a swim to the next Continent."